Photo Rock Star

So You Think You Can Dance

2011-08-15T13:45:00.002-04:00

So I always thought I could dance, but oh my goodness not like this. If you love to dance or love watching dance then I highly recommend the reality dance contest television show, "So You Think You Can Dance". The choreography is amazing! What a compelling artform!

This is one of my favorites from this season.

This is one of my favorites from the season before. They call this lyrical hip hop.

Happy Friday!

2011-08-12T10:30:00.002-04:00

I love Louie CK! He tickles my funny bone!

Happy Friday

2011-08-05T10:31:00.002-04:00

This video makes me soooooooooooooo happy!

Do the happy dance with me!

Esperanza Spalding

2011-08-04T10:31:00.006-04:00

Esperanza Spalding's Chamber music is another album I recently purchased that I can't stop listening to.

At age 20 she became a professor at the Berklee College of Music at age 20!

As a rule, I am not a jazz fan, but I am in love with Esperanza! David Letterman said that she was the coolest guest he has ever had on his show. Her birthday is the day before mine, this fact alone makes her cool in my book! Gorgeous beauty, gorgeous music and mad talent, what's not to love?

Florence + The Machine

2011-08-01T16:21:00.005-04:00

Cover art for Florence + The Machine's new CD Lungs

I bought the Florence + The Machine CD Lungs last weekend. I love it when I find a CD that I can play straight through and enjoy every single song! You may already be familiar with the song "Dog Days are Over", due to the prolific airplay it has been receiving on the radio. I also love the songs, "Rabbit Heart" and "Kiss With a Fist", but I have to say that I hate the video for "Kiss With a Fist". It makes light of the heavy topic of domestic violence. The words are so powerful and the video is playful, low tech and trivial. The images may go with the music, but not the content of the song. I am pissed off by it.

My daughter and I were listening to it in the car this morning. She asked me what Florence meant by "A kiss with a fist is better than none." I explained to her that unfortunately, some people have violent relationships and sometimes people do not love themselves enough and/or feel powerless to end the relationship that is hurting them. I took this opportunity to plant the seed that she should never be with someone who hurts her. She nodded her head vigorously in a "no duh" kind of way. I could tell that she found the concept horrific and I hated to diminish her childhood innocence, but the message is too important, to pass on such a teachable moment.

The Help

2011-08-01T11:59:00.004-04:00

I just finished reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett, a recommendation from Alisa of Daily Violets. I am thankful to my friend for turning me on to such a wonderful book and I am so glad I finished it before the movie came out.

A few weeks ago, I learned that a friend and colleague was reading the book too. I squealled and asked her, "How far along are you?". A moment later another co-worker walked up and asked my friend if she was pregnant. We had to laugh when we realized the miscommunication. This is how rumors get started, right!

The Help is the best book I have read in quite a long time. I rank it up there with The Secret Life of Bees. The voices of the characters are so authentic. I applaud Kathryn Stockett the bravery it took to write about issues of race as a white woman. She is a masterful story teller.

Now that I live in the South, race is on the forefront of my mind. One of the reasons I moved to Savannah, Georgia, was to live in a city that was more ethnically diverse than my former city of fifteen years, Santa Cruz, California. Santa Cruz, while being a very liberal town, is ironically pretty darn white. I want my daughter to grow up with friends of different cultures and races. We live in a global society and it is long past time for all of us to learn to play together nicely.

I work in an office building and there is a woman who works here with me. She empties my trash can twice a day, vacuums my cubicle and cleans the office bathroom, amongst other duties. I heard that her predecessor was fired for being caught sitting down on the job.

As a green freak I will empty my trash into my neighbor's, so that another plastic bag isn't put into the landfill on my watch. I think she thinks I am just trying to help her. She laughs at me. I can't stand sitting at my computer while she cleans around me.

I asked her what her mother did for work and she said she comes from a long line of janitorial workers. I told her about the book and movie. I am so curious what she will think about it. I thank her every day and we make small talk. I wonder if I annoy her.

Stockett's book, while based in the early sixties, is extremely relevant today. It makes you think about how far we have come, when it comes to race relations, and how far we still have to go.

My Favorite Tree

2011-07-29T15:12:00.002-04:00

My husband took this picture yesterday of a baby raccoon getting caught stealing figs out of our tree. The raccoon was thinking, "Oh shit, what do I do now?"

Do you have a favorite tree? I don't mean a favorite kind of tree, but rather an individual tree that you have loved?

We planted this fig tree when we first moved to Savannah. It was only about two feet tall then and now look at it five years later. It is busting with figs! There is nothing like a fresh fig with a bit of Gorgonzola stuffed in the middle. Yummy sweet and cheesy goodness - it is so simple and yet so gourmet!

I planted this tree in our new home in honor of my favorite tree of all time. It was a giant fig tree that was in the backyard of the "Collective" that my family lived in with two other families in Berkeley, in the seventies. I know this explains a lot....

I used to climb this tree daily. The bark was smooth and the limbs were huge and spread out, making it a perfect tree to climb. I would climb up to the center of the tree and just hang out.

I remember my first ever bout with insomnia being the night that I spent fantasizing about building a tree house in this wonderful tree. My fantasy tree house was so cool! I was inspired by this television episode of "Zoom", where this teenage boy built this amazing multi-level tree house. I think it even had a bathroom, or if it didn't my fantasy tree house certainly did. I could not get it out of my head. This must have been my first house fantasy. Perhaps this has something to with why I am compelled to troll real estate websites, when I actually love my current home very much. Is this a pathology?

I hear that in Florida there are tree houses that you can go camping in. Learn more about them here.

I am sad to say that I do not believe that my daughter has ever climbed a tree. How can this be possible? It makes me want to run outside this very minute and scout out some good tree climbing trees for her. She needs to have this simple childhood experience before it is too late.

Crazy or Genius?

2011-07-28T11:34:00.001-04:00

To do list tattoo

I have been told twice in one week that I should be making checklists. This morning, as I drove my daughter and her friend to art day camp, my daughter's friend said, "You forget everything!..You should make a list and stick it on your forehead!".

Ahem, I don't know who she thought she was talking to, but I have to admit I was the one who forgot my lunch today and yesterday it was my cellphone. So maybe this is a wake-up call. Don't worry, I won't be tattooing a to do list on my arm anytime soon. It will be a big leap for me to just make a list and then actually, check things off said list.

Instead of a to do list, I propose from now on we call it a ta da list, like TA DA - look at what I have accomplished! Somehow this sounds more motivating, don'tcha think?

Lynda Barry

2011-07-27T14:54:00.006-04:00

Self Portrait of Lynda Barry

I was once lucky enough to meet Lynda Barry in person. (Of course it was in person, it is not like I met her over the phone!) I told her that I was her number one fan. So she autographed my copy of her book, "To My Number One Fan, Liza". I was thrilled!

Apparently I have been neglecting my role as her number one fan though, because when I googled her today, I was shocked to find out that she has written a bunch of new books since we met! Yippee! I also found that she posts a weekly comic at marlysmagazine.com. For those of you not familiar to the wonder that is Lynda Barry, she used to write a weekly comic called Ernie Pook's Comeek. You can find a hilarious example here. Her comics are hysterical mixed with a bit of melancholy, kinda like life.

One of my favorite quotes of Lynda's is, "Humor is such a wonderful thing, helping you realize what a fool you are but how beautiful that is at the same time." You may read more of her brainy quotes at this cool website.

You can find a review of two of her new books on the creative process here. I can't wait to read them both!

The Sartorialist

2011-07-22T10:39:00.001-04:00

Scott Schuman came to SCAD to lecture in the spring. I had fantasies that he would spot me and ask to take my picture. Somewhat delusional, I know, but these thoughts make me excited about getting dressed in the morning. Scott writes the blog "The Sartorialist". (I like to think we are on a first name basis, again delusional, I know.)

On my way to Scott's lecture, a man who was just one bad day from being homeless said, "Looking good!" as I approached. As I passed he emphasized, "Looking REAL good!", as if he wasn't totally convinced before, but once he saw my booty shake was reassured that his compliment wasn't misguided. I know it is sad, but I can not tell you how good that tooth missing almost homeless man's whistle call made me feel. It had been such a mighty long time since a stranger gave me any attention due to my looks and when I was a young hot thang, it was an obnoxious daily occurrence. So this man made me think, that my fantasy of Scott picking me out of a crowd to photograph may not be so far fetched, right?

He did take a picture of one of my fashion students, Madisen. Her pic is on the very bottom of The Sartorialist blog for the month of May, 2011. One of the things that I love about my job advising art students is I get to live vicariously through them. But Scott is the one who has the job of my dreams. He travels around the world and takes photographs of people with terrific fashion sense. He also seems to be a terrific dad and husband and an all around cool guy. What a life!

If you squint your eyes and imagine me thirty pounds lighter, you will see what is in my mind's eye. Perhaps then you will understand why I felt that this was another day that I was ready for the Sartorialist to click my pic. He needs to come back to Savannah and look me up.

Converse

2011-07-20T17:16:00.005-04:00

I bought my daughter her first pair of Converse high tops. She has had a few pairs of low tops. Over the years, I have had both high and low tops, in a variety of colors. Since St. Patrick's Day is so huge in Savannah, I think my next pair will be green. These shoes make me feel nostalgic and happy. I am glad I am introducing my daughter to the tradition. She says they are comfortable. That may have something to do with the flat feet she inherited from me. I once had a doctor tell me I walked like a duck. I guess that is better than walking like a penguin.

Spectrum

2011-07-14T11:20:00.013-04:00

"Four Palms"

"Sorbet"

"Four Dollars"

"Write"

I submitted these digital photographs for the SCAD show on color called "Spectrum". I am waiting to hear if they made it in. This is my homage to Andy Warhol. I actually ran into him the summer I lived in NYC. We were both shopping in the Fiorucci store on East 59th. I about died! Of course I was too chicken shit to say anything to him. He was with a young man and other than the shop employees, we were the only ones in the store!

The Fiorucci brand was so cool. I bought my friend Aimee and myself large cylinder tins showcasing one of their iconic prints. I still have mine, it is now sitting on my daughter's dresser.

Andy Warhol

Got to love Warhol's "Marilyn"

Warhol quotes - words of wisdom?

Julia Licht

2011-07-13T16:04:00.003-04:00

I bought this 3d ceramic tile for my husband's birthday. Studebakers are his favorite car and he has owned a few in the past. The artist, Julia Licht, is having a terrifically charming one person ceramic show called "Cash for Clunkers" at the SPACE gallery in Savannah. Click here to see more examples of her work. Julia made all of pieces for the show in the last year. She is amazingly prolific! I am thinking of buying one of the tricycles. I can't decide between the red or the blue.

Marcel Chairs

2011-07-11T11:08:00.011-04:00

These are our new Marcel Breuer chairs that I ordered on Overstock.com.

My friends' dad had a pair in their childhood home. I always admired his amazing modern taste. I remember being surprised by how comfortable the chairs were.

On my first trip to NYC when I was 16 years old, I bought three posters from MOMA of a photographic image of a mod woman sitting in a Breuer chair. I gave the Breuer posters to my boyfriend and best friend at the time. I loved that poster.

I have been wanting to update my home with some new modern pieces. I want my decor to be less Pottery Barn and more Elle Decor. I also needed to find chairs that my dog, Woody, will not chew up. I am hoping the chrome will detract him.

This is Woody.

This is the chair that Woody ate.

Sparklers

2011-07-10T12:49:00.003-04:00

2011-06-25T11:39:00.000-04:00

OUTSTANDING!

Met Ball 2011

2011-06-22T14:05:00.014-04:00

Dakota and Elle Fanning at the Met Ball 2011, dressed in Valentino.

It has been said that my daughter favors Dakota Fanning. What do you think? She certainly is my shining star!

Giselle Bundchen is the definition of gorgeous!

Michelle Williams is simply stunning! This look is both sophisticated and unique, which is hard to pull off in my opinion.

My question is how does one get tickets to the Met Ball? I Googled it and couldn't find an answer. The idea of attending this Costume Institute Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC has just been added to my list of favorite material things to fantasize about, joining the ranks with, what art I would buy if I could only afford it and my families favorite game of what to do when (not if) we win the lottery. An active fantasy life is a healthy thing right? It keeps the dreams alive and in my family that is a tradition.

Vancouver Riot Kiss

2011-06-21T13:57:00.005-04:00

Shot of a lifetime!

Photograph by Brian Stetler at the Vancouver riot after the Vancouver Canuks lost the Stanley Cup to the Boston Bruins.

Dang, I wish I had taken this photograph!

Happy Father's Day Dad!

2011-06-21T10:01:00.006-04:00

Bob Dylan and Muhammad Ali

Norman Mailer and Muhammad Ali

These photos show three of my dad's favorite people. Muhammad Ali is hands down my favorite boxer. I remember my dad telling me in the early 70's that Muhammad Ali was the most famous person in the world. I loved watching boxing with my dad.

When I grew up, fighting was considered a normal way for a kid to solve a conflict. I was so proud when my six grade teacher, Mr. Lavrov, called me "Lefty" for beating up a boy that was bigger than me. In those days the first person to cry lost. I think the boy cried simply out of humiliation, not because I had hurt him physically. I used all my might to fight back the tears that day. My friends got sick of me bragging about kicking that boys ass.

One of my favorite inspirational quotes is by Ali, "I was saying 'I'm the greatest' long before I believed it."

Thanks to Duncan for turning me on to this website:

http://awesomepeoplehangingouttogether.tumblr.com

Things You Will Never Hear Coming Out of My Mouth II

2011-06-20T20:58:00.016-04:00

"Wow that tomato was delicious!"

"There is way too much cream cheese on my bagel!"

"May I please have olive oil instead of butter with my bread?"

When did it become popular for restaurants to offer olive oil and not butter? I shamelessly order butter with my olive now and while you are at, it how 'bout bringing me a big hunk of deliciously fattening cheese!

Ace

2011-06-20T11:35:00.010-04:00

Do you have a favorite playing card? The ace of spades has always been mine. Not because of this, my self given nickname is Ace. I decided I wanted a nickname and I asked my husband to start calling me Ace. He obliged in email greetings for about a year, but I recently took note that he has not called me "Ace" in any kind of form in quite a while. Hopefully this is not due to any lack of ace-like behavior on my part.

"So why do you call yourself Ace?", you ask. Well, it is a little known factoid that while teaching English in China, I won a ping pong championship . This generally impresses people. I suppose this is due to the stereotype that the Chinese are master ping pong players. This is a like saying, "Wow, I am impressed that you won a game of horse in the U.S., because those Americans sure are good at basketball." This logic is flawed and I promise you that there are plenty of Chinese people who suck at ping pong!

I am proud of my accomplishment though, not because it happened in China, but because I take my ping pong seriously. My motto is, "Consistency wins the game!". I just try to return the ball and not get too fancy. I have played ping pong with many a man who loses to me, not because I am so good, but because he beats himself, trying to show off his masculine power by slamming down the ball, only to have it miss the edge of the table. Oops! I win!

So I am proud of my ping pong accomplishment. Feel free to call me, "Ace".

Things that You Will Never Hear Coming Out of My Mouth

2011-06-18T14:27:00.004-04:00

"Wow, those mutton chops are soooo handsome!"

They weren't handsome then and they aren't handsome now!

What do think of Jermaine from "Flight of the Conchord's" mutton chops?

"Honey, how about wearing your sexy man clogs tonight?"

If anyone can pull off man clogs, Jake Gyllenhaal can?

Come One, Come Y'all!

2009-02-26T17:46:00.004-05:00

I hope to see you at Kobo Gallery on March 14th from 3-6pm! I will be showcasing photos both new and old.

2009-02-07T17:05:00.003-05:00

Recently people have been coming out of the woodwork like crazy from my past! I wonder if it is the apocalypse, or if it is just the power of the world wide web? I choose to believe the latter. I do wonder why certain people fall in and out of our lives for periods of time. Is there a karmic connection here? Are other people besides my mother having this same experience?

I do miss being with people in person. I would even settle for a phone conversation. The internet is so convenient and there are many people I would not connect with if it didn't exist. On the other hand it is too easy. You play catch up via email or Facebook for a few emails and then there isn't much left to say, so then you fall out of touch again indefinitely.

Do people ever just hang out anymore in real life? I miss that. There is a lot to be said for being in the physical presence of someone you care about. We are losing that as a society and I find this fact scary. I am still looking for the whole beam me up Scotty part of technology to come to fruition. It will be oh so much more satisfying. In the meantime, an email from an old friend still can make my week!

Great New Blog

2008-11-27T11:22:00.005-05:00

My oldest childhood friend just told me her daughter has started her own blog. How inspirational! She puts me to shame. Check it out at www.wishdaisy.blogspot.com. I better get off my butt and start writing again. I have to say I have been nervous about writing about what is on my mind. I am again teaching in the public school system and I have a lot to say that I fear might get me fired or at least in trouble. What about free speech, I wonder? Should I worry? Is this an appropriate format for discussion about what is happening in public schools today? Perhaps I should begin an anonymous blog about that topic. Any thoughts out there?

Meanwhile, I am very grateful to have a job in this economy! I am am thankful for this home of mine, even if the security of it may be an illusion. The illusion is warm and cozy at the moment, so it is working for me. I am mostly thankful for my family and the joy they bring to my life everyday! I feel so supported by their love. Also, I feel utterly blessed to have so many wonderful friends in my life from coast to coast. I only wish I had more time to spend with them all! Finally, I am grateful to have art in my life. It helps to make me feel whole and engaged with the world, creatively, intellectually and spiritual. This is a great gift.

My daughter built her first "Build a Bear", yesterday, which is actually a cheetah. She was so excited to pick out rollerskates, clothes and a backpack for her cheetah, named Tofi. She keeps forgetting this creative name. She has asked me at least 4 times today, "Mama, what is her name again?" I made a recording with my voice saying, "Mommy loves you sooooo much! You are the best girl ever and Mommy and Daddy are sooooo very proud of you!" This morning when my daughter pressed Tofi's paw and played the recording, she said, "That makes me cry happy tears!" Ahhhh, what more could a mommy ask for! Blessings to all on this great holiday!

Quote of the Week

2008-05-17T08:36:00.002-04:00

"Booboos are a part of life."
-My Wise Beyond her Five Years Daughter

The Chosen Road not Taken

2008-05-16T08:25:00.000-04:00

So, it has been over a year now since my third miscarriage. It is very difficult to come to terms with the fact that I will never realize my chosen path. You remember Robert Frost’s poem “The Road Not Taken”. Well here it is to refresh your memory:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

I studied this poem in high school and I remember interpreting it as Frost lamenting about choices in life and the difficulty of not being able to do everything we might want in this lifetime. I concluded that he was ultimately happy with the choice that he made, perhaps because he had the freedom to choose.

I have had great difficulty coming to terms with the loss I experienced with my last miscarriage. This has been in part due to the bitter pill that this event was not a choice. I was raised to believe that I had the power to create my own reality, but this is not my chosen reality.

I also have been raised to believe that everything happens for a reason and that even with pain, and perhaps especially with pain there are lessons to be learned and growth to be had. One of my favorite expressions is “Oh no, not another f----ing opportunity for growth (A..F.O.G.)!” So I have been working real hard to figure out what I am suppose to be learning here. I feel so powerless.

I think that I will always feel sad about the road not taken, but I am beginning to appreciate the road that I am on. I didn’t choose this path, but low and behold here I am and it ain’t so bad, and it surely could be worse.

Deductive Reasoning

2008-05-11T10:14:00.003-04:00

I am 41 and a half. I just realized tonight, for the first time in my life, my half birthday came and went unnoticed. I have to say I feel a little gypped. Not that I ever celebrated my half birthday by cooking half a birthday cake or anything, but it was always acknowledged, at least by myself. Missing this nonevent seems very poignant now that my daughter is almost five and a half and the halves are very significant to her. She asked a few months back, “If you are five and a half, you are really just five, right?” “Yes dear.” “Then I can say I am five and a half, because I just turned five.” Ah the powers of deductive reasoning, I can see losing arguments with her in my future.

My Daughter's Quote of the Week

2008-03-11T09:49:00.003-04:00

"My teacher says that we shouldn't kiss the boys, but just blow them."..... (Kisses that is)

Humanness

2008-03-11T09:28:00.003-04:00

Rant for the Day: I don't know about you, but I am so very tired of hearing about politicians' sex lives! Why anyone would ever want to run for office is beyond me. Having all of your human flaws picked apart publicly has to be a worse form of self-inflicted torture than even hanging yourself by flesh penetrating hooks in trees (People do that, you know. CRAZY!). It is hard enough being a human and making mistakes the way humans do without having everyone in the world knowing about it and giving their opinions. In fact, it is our purpose in life to learn from our mistakes and therefore become better human beings. Why is anyone shocked to find out that politicians make mistakes too? Heaven forbid!

The Nature of Addiction

2008-02-23T08:01:00.003-05:00

My mother quit smoking twenty years ago. Last month she quit Nicorette Gum. She always told me that nicotine was more addictive than heroin. She also told me that if I ever used heroin it would end up killing me. These cautionary words discouraged me from ever trying heroin, but parent modeling is stronger than words of wisdom; so for a period of my life I did smoke.

I fancied myself a social smoker; I smoked when I was out drinking with friends. I also smoked when I felt down or depressed, which made me feel even worse, both physically and emotionally. It allowed me to wallow deeply in a smoky cavern of self-loathing.

Call it denial, but I never considered myself a real smoker. I could get away with it, because whenever I felt myself getting sucked into the addiction, I quit. It usually took a few days with a migraine headache, but I was able to quit repeatedly without too much torture.

I would know it was time to quit when one of two things happened. One was when I started to have asthma attacks. I know you probably think it is crazy that a person with asthma would smoke in the first place, but the allure of that modeled bad/cool girl behavior was too tempting. I think that kids’ brains get subconsciously hardwired to do stupid behaviors like smoking when they are teen-agers if they have grown up around it. Of course peer pressure is huge, but I think parent modeling is even stronger.

The other way I knew it was time to quit was when I noticed my every thought being taken over by plans for having my next cigarette. I realized that I was expending an exorbitant amount of mental energy thinking about smoking. When was I going to have my next cigarette? Where was I going to smoke it? Will other people be able to smell it on me if I do it? Should I change my clothes or brush my teeth? Do I need to buy some more? Should I have just one or two? How about just one more? Etc, etc, etc ad nauseum, literally!

I realize now that this is the thing with addiction and I don’t care what the addiction is to; it could be to heroin, to food, to nicotine or even as the song says, to love. The thing with addiction is that it takes over your mental life. Ultimately, I found that fact more disturbing than the physical manifestations of addiction. I just thought that there were so many better ways I could spend my thoughts. Even if I didn’t actually smoke that often, I didn’t want to use up anymore mental space thinking about it.

So when my mom was agonizing over chewing her last piece of Nicorette Gum, I shared with her my thoughts on addiction and the mental space it takes over. She found this perspective illuminating and helpful and she suggested I blog about it. So here it is. I just hope that the cycle of addiction in my family is now broken, for my daughter’s sake.

That's It!

2008-02-19T13:28:00.002-05:00

Okay, that's it! After viewing those poor sick cows being brutalized on their way to the slaughter house on the Today Show, I am giving up red meat! I can longer bury my head in the sand, because of my love of steak or salted pork product. I can not consider myself a vegetarian yet, because I do not think I am ready to give up chicken or fish, but for now I will not let beef, pork, or sheep pass my lips. I have always known it was the right thing to do, but we do not always eat with rationality. If that was the case I would never finish a pint of Haagen-Dazs in one sitting. So for the sake of the environment, for the sake of the prevention of animal cruelty, and for the sake of my health; I am pledging to not eat red meat for the time being, until further notice. Care to join me for some ice-cream?

Resolve

2008-01-28T14:46:00.000-05:00

So, I was reading Allure magazine while getting my hair done yesterday and I came across this article written by the hairdresser who gave Jennifer Aniston her famous look. Turns out he has struggled with drug addiction for the past decade or two. He decided to write about his experience in hopes that it might help someone else, as well as him, to stay on the straight and narrow. He talked about his esteem issues and how having positive feedback about the work he was doing helped him to be in denial about how his addiction was affecting his life. This led me to start thinking about my own insecurities and need for positive feedback.

I was wishing that I could just do anything in my life without looking for any kind of reassurance or acknowledgement from others and I thought what a great challenge that would be. This could be a new year’s resolution or what I would give up for lent, if I was Catholic. I thought how great it would be to announce this plan in my blog, which would kind of force me to do it. That is, not seek out positive feedback on anything for a period of time. Let’s say 7 weeks, since that is the amount of time it is suppose to take to make anything become a habit.

Now, I have to admit that I have already broken my resolution as of last night. I went about 4 hours before succumbing to the need to get feedback. It was a struggle. I am taking a painting class and last week I completed my first watercolor painting. My mom had come over last night for dinner and I wanted to show it to her. I realized that in showing it to her, I was hoping she would say that she liked it. I was completely conscious that I was breaking my brand new pledge to myself and yet I succumbed. This is going to be hard!

I am declaring that my pledge was not official since I hadn’t posted this blog yet. So, I am starting fresh today with new resolve. My hope is that I will learn to find inner satisfaction in the things that I choose to do and that I will find that to be enough to satisfy my ego. Ultimately, I envision building true self-esteem and soothing my soul. I will let you know how it goes.

Faith

2008-01-25T08:44:00.000-05:00

I lost faith in 2007. Ironically I probably attended church more this year than in any year of my life. When we moved to Savannah in 2006 one of the first questions people asked us was, "So where do y'all go to church?" Worrying that they might invite us to theirs we figured we better hurry up and find ourselves a church.

This was no easy task for my husband whose father was Jewish and whose mother was born a Baptist, and converted back and forth between Episcopalian and Unitarian more than a few times, nor for myself whose father was born a Catholic, but proclaimed to be an atheist during my formative years and whose mother was born an Episcopalian, but practices Buddhism. So, we started our search for a church, more for the purpose of wanting some form of religious education for our daughter, which we both found lacking in our upbringings, and less for the purpose of having an answer to the question, "So where do y'all go to church?"

Despite my lack of religious education I always have considered myself a spiritual person. Ultimately, I believe in a higher power (I don't care what his/her/it's name is), I believe in the power of prayer, and I believe in Karma. I don't believe in exclusionary dogma, which I find many religions to practice. So, I was particularly alarmed when my daughter came home from school the other day and asked, "When God comes to Earth, does everyone die?"

I have to say that this question has led me to feel a great sense of panic. I wondered whom the source of this information was and I knew that if it was an adult, there would be Hell to pay! I had visions of marching to down to the school, righteously indignant, because one thing I had learned, was the separation between church and State! Turns out the source was a classmate. Welcome to the South!

Now, I knew that in moving here I was going to risk my daughter having exposure to many ideas different from my own. And I knew that my best line of defense would be to raise her with a strong moral compass and sense of compassion. In knowing this, I think she should be alright, whatever religion she chooses or doesn't choose to subscribe to. So I won't bother telling all of the details of the conversation that followed, but I will say that I tried to get her to understand that I didn't believe that a loving God would leave people behind who believed in God by another name. While covering her ears and looking out the window she asked, "Can we stop talking about this now?"

This experience made last night's lecture by SCAD's visiting painter/professor Steve Locke particularly poignant. He is currently working on a body of work called "Rapture". Part of this work includes paintings of gay men engaging in sex acts where one of the partners is no longer there because he has been chosen to go with God and the other partner is left with a puddle of clothes knowing that he did not make it to the Kingdom of Heaven. He also juxtaposes these images onto anti-homosexual religious propaganda. It is very powerful work and speaks to part of my struggle with religion. Check out his website at: www.stevelocke.com. He has several socially relevant powerful projects that have inspired me greatly. I feel very fortunate to have met him and learned about his work.

I know that in telling this story I haven't explained why I lost faith this year. I don't want anyone to worry though. I don't think I have completely lost faith, but maybe I have just misplaced it temporarily. I promise to explore the topic more in another posting.

Self Acceptance

2007-12-30T00:57:00.000-05:00

If I have felt naked when showing my artwork, then sharing my writing feels like being naked on my most bloated, broken out, inflamed psoriasis, bad hair day. When I show people my photos I am saying, "I think this looks cool, how bout you?" And the worse someone could say is "I think it looks stupid or ugly, or I don't like it." When I share my writing I am sharing my thoughts and feelings. If someone doesn't like what I write it isn't just a matter of aesthetics, it is a rejection of me.

So why do it? Why put my writing into cyberspace to be judged by an audience? Why not just continue to keep a journal? Yes, blogging is a creative outlet, but is it also narcissism or egomania? Or is it just human nature to want to communicate with other human beings by any mode possible?

Until I started this blog I had forgotten that as a kid I wanted to be a writer. That dream was squashed when I failed the college placement essay test. My ego was too fragile at the tender age of 17. Hundreds of ego deaths later, at the vulnerable age of 41, I am willing to risk again. I am using this creative outlet to express myself to anyone who cares to be bothered. I hope that you like it, but what is most important is that I like it. I wouldn't put it out there if I didn't. What a great gift to myself. I value my thoughts and feelings enough to put them out there! That is something special. Like it or not.

Career Choices

2007-12-28T10:00:00.000-05:00

Since moving to Georgia and until recently, if you asked my daughter what she wants to do when she grows up, she would answer "I wanna be a docta cheerleada!" Meaning she wants to be both a doctor and a cheerleader. I don't know where she learned about cheer-leading, but I swear the moment we entered the South she was somehow indoctrinated. I have tried to explain to her that while some people do earn a little money cheer-leading that I wouldn't exactly call it a profession. She is undaunted.
Her goals have recently changed though, as children are want to do. My friend recently sent me a cd of Madonna's Confessions on the Dance Floor. After listening to it and perusing the jewel case, my daughter announced, "Mama, when I grow up I wanna be Madonna!"
While some people may have found this news disturbing my response was, "Me too baby, me too!"
"But you already are growed!" she stated the obvious.
Upon reflection I tell her, "Honey, I don't actually want to be Madonna, cause that would mean I wouldn't be your mama."
"I know, I know mama! You can wait until I am big and I no longer need to be taken care of, then you can be Madonna!"
"Thank you honey, that is so sweet of you to not want to stand in the way of my dreams."
When sharing this story with my Southern co-workers, some gasped in what I can only describe as horror. They don't understand that my feminist sensibilities allow me to simultaneously reject my daughter's desires to be a cheerleader while embracing the idea of her choice to grow up to be Madonna.
She now goes to sleep each night with Confessions on a Dance Floor playing quietly in the background. I tell her that it is not really good sleepy time music, but she insists, declaring with moony eyes, "But, I LUUUUUV Madonna!" I read in the paper today that Madonna has directed her first film. Now if Madonna would just add doctor to her resume.

World Situation: Desperate as Usual

2007-12-28T09:37:00.000-05:00

To quote the beloved Kurt Vonnegut, "The world situation is desperate as usual!" But I was more disturbed by yesterdays world events than usual. Heinous crimes are committed everyday, but it is not everyday that a world leader is assassinated. The murder of Benazir Bhutto has left an acidic lump of fear and sadness in my throat. The world is an even more dangerous place now and still we must attend to our day to day chores mostly unaffected in the United States. I wanted to write today, but did not feel I could without first acknowledging this tragedy. May peace find a way into the hearts of all Pakistanis today and tomorrow...

Ground Rules

2007-12-27T08:39:00.000-05:00

Dag Nabbit! I reread my first posting several times, but I still managed to make some errors. So, let this be a lesson in letting go. Perhaps some ground rules are in order. Please forgive me my grammatical, spelling and punctuation trespasses and I promise to only blog when I really have something to say. I take it back, that is too much pressure. Didn't blogging get its name from blah, blah, blah, blog? I promise to forgive myself my grammatical, spelling and punctuation errors and to blog only when the mood strikes me. That is better. Who is this audience I think I am writing to anyway? Family? A few dear friends? Or an intellectual, creative cyber community? Yeah, right!
In my very first blogging experience I actually caused offense.
"BLEEDING HEART LIBERAL?" my father exclaimed incredulously.
"Yeah, so? " was my eloquent response. It seems my parents have never viewed themselves as "bleeding heart liberals", but rather they fancy themselves "radicals". So, I will set the record straight. Being members of the white arm of the Black Panthers in the 70's does warrant the more "radical" characterization. I do recall the FBI jumping out of the bushes to snap photos of us playing in the backyard of our "political collective" home that we shared with two other families. I thought it was hysterical that they would listen to my six year old phone conversations while wire tapping our phone lines as part of their misguided investigation into the kidnapping of Patty Hearst.
So do I filter everything I write in fear of offending, or prompting the FBI to reopen our family file? I heard that you can request to see your FBI file through The Freedom of Information Act, but that if you didn't have a file prior to your request that your request would prompt the opening of one. The paranoia is mounting. I bet my folks regret complaining about being called "bleeding heart liberals" now. In all fairness, and kidding aside, my parents worked toward a goal of social justice and that work as much as anything has shaped who I am today. Their compassion and empathy for society makes me proud to be their daughter and I know as an educator I was hoping to follow in their good works footsteps.
All power to the people!

Yes, Ma'am

2007-12-26T10:40:00.000-05:00

"Sweetie, would you please throw that wrapping paper in the trash." says me.
"Yes, ma'am." responds my daughter.
This may seem like a typical exchange between mother on daughter Christmas morning. For me, not so much. Having been born to two bleeding heart liberals and having grown up in arguably the most progressive city in the States ( you guessed it, Berkeley, CA) makes the fact that my daughter now says "Yes, ma'am." an issue. Not necessarily a bad issue, but an issue for discussion non-the-less.

When we moved our family from Santa Cruz, CA to Savannah, GA 19 months ago, I knew that I was going to have to come to terms with my daughter acquiring a "Georgia peach" accent, but I did not realize, how much the social norms would be so utterly different for her, than they were for me. She is also learning to address adults as "Miss and Mister". In the South, apparently, teachers, neighbors, and friends of your parents are addressed as "Miss DeeDee and Mr. Peter". It doesn't matter if the women are married or not, they are called Miss, not Mrs.

My husband says, "There are worse things." Yes, this is true, but it got me thinking about why it was that I was raised not to use these polite expressions. It wasn't that my parents are impolite, but it had to do with a rebellion against formality and conformity. It was a way to express equity amongst the masses and classes. Ultimately, I think it was a political statement that stemmed from the need to rewrite the power structure that was historically in place between "slaves and masters".

Now, don't get me wrong. I hold good manners in the highest of esteem. Life will always be easier for the well mannered; Eddie Haskells rule middle management. I do want my daughter to be highly skilled in the politics of politeness, but, I also want her to understand historical political contexts. Respect should be earned and should not be given because of a classist power structure. That being said, I think that my daughter will grow up in the South forever straddling the tight rope between the social norms of the South and her parents' value system. Hopefully, the two can co-exist peacefully and politely.